My bestfriend doesn’t treat me the way she used to, what should I do? | The Realistic Optimist

My bestfriend doesn’t treat me the way she used to, what should I do?

10:38 AM

Ask Aris
My bestfriend and I met five years ago. We were inseparable and shared good companionship over the years. We communicate almost 24/7. We tell each other everything and even made plans and set goals for the future. I was always there for her whenever she needs me, especially during tough times. We are each other’s confidante and human diary. Yes, you could say that we’re each other’s “everything”.

Things started to change after she got a job. When she started working, she lost the time for us. She rarely texts me, and our communication became less. I do understand that’s she’s busy with work, but I don’t understand why she forgets to talk to me and would only do so only when she feels like it. It’s tough for me to take in because we were always open with each other. And because of that, we always end up fighting.

I really want to save our friendship. However, she says that I am manipulating her, but I just want her to act like a mature person and be more responsible. That is why I always remind her about the things that she shouldn’t do, but she took my words in a different and negative way. I know that she loves me and I am important to her, but I feel that she’s losing it because of our arguments. I want her back, the old her when we first met. I feel like she changed and she doesn’t realize everything I’m doing for her. Our families are even affected because they know how close we are. I feel she is so overwhelmed by the company of others. We’ve been like this for six months now. I hope you that you could enlighten me. I hope things will get back to normal.

Pinky

My Advice

I understand how you feel because I went through the same situation and had a hard time moving on. When you invest time and emotions on a person, it’s normal to get attached. I can’t blame you for feeling that way, but you need to remember that you can’t tell her to act according to what you want. Just let her be. We all have a tendency to be possessive when we get too attached to a person. However, that’s when friendships get toxic.

More so, your wholeness as a person shouldn't be dependent on her, because time will come that you will have to go on separate ways and focus on your own personal lives.

If you truly care about your bestfriend, you need to consider that she could only be beginning to explore the real world. Maybe she’s enjoying the company of her new found friends at work. On the other hand, also consider that this transition could also be stressful for her, and her friends are the first to empathize with her because they’re in the same environment.

If you feel like she’s already neglecting you, try reaching out to her. Talk to her in a nice way and apologize if you have offended her before. Yes, you’re upset, but you shouldn’t lash out at her and say hurtful words. She would only tend to stay away if you keep on insisting that she do things your way.

Let her know that you’re hurt because you feel like you’re drifting apart from each other. Express how important your friendship is to you. Assure her that no matter what happens, you will still be there for her. Make her feel that despite everything, you’re still a friend to her. Give her space if she needs it. If you truly love and care for each other, you can surely surpass this conflict. Remember, a true friend will always be a friend and it wouldn’t matter if you don’t see each other or talk as much as you used to.

When you’ve done everything, but she still chooses to give up on your friendship, just let her be. Your world shouldn’t revolve around her alone. There are other things that you need to prioritize. Focus your attention on your family, building your own career, pursuing your passion, and making yourself whole again. If your bestfriend completely turns her back on you, you wouldn’t feel so alone and helpless because there are other things in life that you can fill your mind and time with. More so, always remember that you can always find new friends.

I hope I was able to help you have peace of mind. If you will need my advice again in the future, please don’t hesitate to send me an e-mail.

Aris

You Might Also Like

0 Comments

If you have helpful tips on the subject, please share them to us in the comments section below.

Featured on:

Pick the Brain

Brew Your Best Year