8 Things to Remember When It’s Hard to Forgive

Apr 18, 2018

For so many years, I let the hatred I have for people who wronged me get the best of me. I wanted them to feel my pain. But what I could only do was to curse them over and over again. However, the time came when I realized that what I was doing only made things worse. My hatred was burning me inside and my burden was more difficult to bear. 

Eventually, after much self-discipline and mindfulness, I learned to forgive. I released myself from the prison I had built. I realized my burdens gradually lifted. I noticed that I started sleeping well at night and that I became happier and more positive. Being able to forgive also improved my relationship with my loved ones. I even noticed my health also improved.

If you still can’t find enough strength to forgive those who abused and took advantage of you, let me help you by sharing some of the lessons I learned from my journey to forgiveness.

1. Forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean that you are completely healed. It does not mean the emotional pain is gone. You are actually in the process of healing. Forgiving them means you are ready to accept the fact that you are hurting but that you have the option to deal with it. And most importantly, forgiveness is one of the ways to do so.

2. To not forgive the people who had hurt you, does not give you any power over them at all. In fact, this even gives them (the people who hurt you) the power to destroy you, because the hatred you have for them will turn you into a loser in the end.

3. Hatred is like a disease that gets worse with time. The longer it stays in your heart, the more it will worsen and will eventually consume you. Do not let this happen. Never let hatred rule you, push you to do things that you will regret for the rest of your life.

4. As you carry anger and pain inside of you, you are likely to hurt the people around you. These negative emotions becomes your attitude and can affect your relationship with people who have nothing to do with what you are experiencing, especially those who are there to help you.

5. Forgive but never forget. Bring with you all the lessons you learned from the encounter to avoid experiencing the same situation. Forgiving the people who hurt you does not mean giving them the right to hurt you again.

6. If you need to cut ties, do so in order that you have the space to heal. Remember that everyone doesn’t deserve a seat at the table of your life.

7. Just because you have forgiven them, it does not mean that you agree and understand what they were going through. You do not need to know what their motives were. It was their choice to hurt you. Focus instead your attention on the benefits of being able to forgive.

8. Forgive them even if they are not sorry. Remember that you are not doing this for them, but for yourself. You are forgiving them so you can give yourself the peace of mind that you deserve.

Even if we are the kindest or the most positive person in the world, we can never avoid being wronged and getting hurt. Remember that other people’s characters and decisions are not within our control. Whether we like it or not, there are people who will come into our lives to test our patience.

It is true that you have the right to be angry with people who have wronged you. But we need to remind ourselves that we owe ourselves peace, the wonderful feeling that comes when we forgive.

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Aris Moreno is the owner of www.theoptimistblog.com, a blog that aims to inspire and motivate people to be positive and happy. Life was not easy for him in the past and he went through different problems, but because of a positive disposition, he was able to rise up and overcome his trials. These experiences became his guide and inspiration to write meaningful articles in his blog. For him, being able to give direction and encouragement to others is what gives him genuine joy and happiness. It’s also his way of giving glory back to God for all the blessings that he continues to receive.

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